So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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