My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
