The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
