Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
