I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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