turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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