And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
