Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize