mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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