I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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