Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
