Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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