from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize