did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
