Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
