Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
