Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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