I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
