he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
