This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
