I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
