He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i think i just lost a toe
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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