You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
