after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
