either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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