when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
