I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
