you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
