he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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