I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I could make wine with my vomit
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
