I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
