My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
