If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
