really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
