He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
