my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
