I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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