Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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