i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
