I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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