we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
