Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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