we're chasing vodka with high fives
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
