Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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