I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
