He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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