My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
