I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
