maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
