Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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