Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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