Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
