Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
