I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
