Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
