I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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