I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
