Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
