Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
