All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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