Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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