Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize