I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
