Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
