i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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