Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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