How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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