So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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