Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
