I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
