Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
