I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
