New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
