Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
