Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
