I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
