you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
