i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
