Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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