don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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