I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
